subjective normality

My life is beginning to return to normal. Question is, what is normal?

  In this house, normal is half of us waking up to greet the 2 or 13 kids that we will be taking care of that day. After everyone eats the breakfast of their choice and leaves  it on the counter, the boys go outside, the younger girls get out the dolls, and the older ones try to tidy up. I hope to escape and work on my art. Instead, I play Polly pockets and make lunch. My wonderful siblings try to help with the naptimes, the lunch, messes, AND do their school, but it's one or the other. What most people don't know is the sandbox isn't just dirt, it's a volcano in Pompei, a chance for buried treasure or a construction zone depending on the imagination. The toy guns (mostly) are not just toys, they protect the girls in the sandbox, and the mathematics about velocity and pressure are focused on heavily by my 12 year old brother. (I don't understand a bit!)The garden is a miracle where water and dirt make food, and living things thrive. The one horse is a valiant loyal steed. The playhouse is a hideaway. 

   Right now my brothers and their friends are filming their own movie. They wrote the script, take turns acting and filming, and I'll help them cut it and put it together. The girls watch me try to write a story, and I stall to teach a three year old that blue and red make purple, and we draw together as the older one tries to write a poem. The four year old learns to add as we play snakes and ladders. we learn debate class as they bring forth arguments as to why they should watch TV instead of clean. (didn't work.) It's soccer time, and we make individual pizza breads, and they learn to cook. The littlest kids and Mom are out, and that's when we try to tidy up. From all this learning and running around, the Lee kids are tired! We put the extra young ones in either their own Mommy's arms, or in respective sleeping arrangements. Sometimes that means "camping" in the playhouse. I didn't get much done, but I did a lot!

     As this is going on, in my personal time I don't have, I help my little sister with her resume, update my own, look for a job, write a book, Help Grandpa build a countertop, try to stay in contact with the people that are far away, wonder why I need to help with youth group, and why I never have a clean bedroom when I go to bed. 

This is normal for me. many things happen through the rest of it, but these are the main points. I sometimes feel lazy, because this isn't the stuff that goes on resumes or to do lists, but I wouldn't trade a minute of it, even though I will be moving on soon. No one else's home is like my own, and it made me who I am. I just wish I had a naptime, And I'm only the big sister!

God is teaching me through being back home. At times I'm tired, and just want company of people my own age, not Moms, not kids. I love them, don't get me wrong, but it's hard being almost the only one in my town that's neither one!  I have been languid or restless, hoping for something else to do, somewhere else to go, and I've spent most of my life feeling the same. I DO feel called to travel, reach out to kids in the cities far away, learning more of cultures and God, but I am being taught that Home is wherever God has me, and right now it's here. And it's good.

the strangest love, and keeping on.

"Do you want to say hi to Kynya? she just got home!"
"Yeah, but that girl's not Kynya, cuz Kynya has purple hairs and that girl has brown ones."

"Where is that girl that sleeps in my room?"
"It's actually her room, she just got home. Why do you want her?"
"I like her, but why is she here?"

"We bought you your favourite chocolate, but we ate it."

"Did you ride a wallaby on your vacation?"

"How cute is that Aussie boyfriend?"

These are parts of actual conversations this week. The first few days all I did was sleep. Life was kick- started by the hour long presentation I did for the adult class at my church. It went pretty well, but we are kinda quiet, so the question time was partly filled with youtube videos of the base.  It's good to be home, but it's honestly been a bit hard to adjust to being a child again, as in, asking if I can do something, go somewhere etc. My family has been really nice, letting me sleep and not pulling evil pranks on me.

My mom has agreed to take four young kids in for the next couple months and homeschool them while their mom gets medical care. I had not met them until today. They are really sweet, and the youngest thinks I'm "cool" (a four year old's compliment is the best) but that means she follows me everywhere, including the bathroom... I love them, but I'm still pretty tired, so I don't understand how much she loves me when the most I'm doing is barely being nice!

I don't have much to do, but cooking and writing/illustrating has kept me fairly busy. That is, when I'm not playing barbies. I'm missing my DTS friends and the city and warmth! I'm starting to get my bearings and where I fit in the family, home, and community. My room was the room of requirement, so I have to find where everything is, and reclaim it instead of the four year old who doesn't realize it's not hers anymore. Oops. She's a cutie though.
 There was a lot of deaths in my church while I was gone, and realizing a lot of the strong men and women I looked up to are gone has been pretty hard too. I didn't have time to grieve while I was in YWAM, so now I have time to thank God for the time I did have to learn from them, but I wish I had cared more! I miss them, but it makes me determined to become more strong in my faith, and live it out no matter what. I didn't really care about God before DTS, now I am probably the crazy christian chick who does everything because of Him. and that's ok, because it sure isn't fake. God has been so good with encouraging me through Colossions and even just the impending coffee and Skype dates. He has given me so many good people to talk to!

  This summer I'll be getting a job, hopefully making enough to pay for most of BLS. Its hard not to stress out about finances and transportation right now, and there's  a lot of pressure for me to "get a real job, or go to a real school, make something of my life." It may not be said in so many words, but the metron is pretty thick.
To be brutally honest, I need prayer for me to keep fighting for God and my dreams. I don't want to not care.  Thank you all so much for continuing to pray for me.

Grad, final project and Homecoming

    A lot has happened over the last two weeks, but the biggest change is my location. The last two weeks on base were focused on going home. 

    Michelle, a radio producer and a great mom figure, talked about partnering with God in the Arts and how art opens doors to opportunity, both good and bad. 

During the last two weeks, we filmed a stop motion music video, with every art track doing a part. I drew the sets on the floor with chalk. I didn't realise how long the days were going to be, sometimes working to 5 AM! I really hope it's uploaded on youtube soon so I can show it at the hourlong presentation I am giving at church. I've never had that much time before! I know I did a lot, but what do I say that will be beneficial to the church, and take a whole hour? 

     Mr. Lenz and his wife talked about re entering the culture you came from, and that was so helpful, because after being out of the country so long, and living with 150 people, in a city on the other side of the world, Evansburg seems empty and spread out. but it's where I grew  up, and It's home for now. The countryside, maple syrup and cold are awesome, but I'm still trying to get used to it again. I have been doing a lot of sleeping lately, because my body thinks it's midnight at 4 pm and 4 pm at midnight, and it's confusing. 

   Before I left, The MAD DTS had a big graduation ceremony, and various parties. We dressed up as lumberjacks and ate pancakes, dressed up fancy for our diplomas, and then went out to an all night pancake house, to celebrate our last full day together. Our DTS may have had challenges, but we were all so close by the end, It was hard to say goodbye. I was there for a few days after grad, so some of us went to the beach, meeting people along the way who were willing to talk, and we shared what God was doing with us over at the bottom of the world. It was so interesting to see that if you just follow God you don't have to try and evangelize or make things happen, people are drawn to you. Things just happen around us. We don't start it! The party just starts when the Holy Spirit walks in! (Maybe that sounds weird, but it's true.) 

  The next day, My bros and I went out for slushies, and basically just chilled. ( Unfortunately Miguel's car ran out of gas about 10 feet from the station so we had to go and push it.) I had my last 1on1 with Sara, going back to the tree where we had our first, and quite awkward one. I went out for coffee with Gary, because the staff claims he doesn't talk to students so we had to prove them wrong.  Then I helped out with Missions Sim, the contents of which are classified. ;) 

       Going home was interesting, because we had a bunch of minor delays on the way to and in the airport, but I made it, and It just shows that AU wants me back. My welcome crew, AKA my family, came out of nowhere and almost bowled me over with hugs, and treated me to Tim Horton's and sleep. By the way, Edmonton Airport is decorated with hockey and deer related items. Yeah, I understand the teasing now. And I do say Out weird but our customs are a whole lot nicer to get through!  

     I'm planning to go back to Brissy on staff with YWAM, and I truly believe that's where God wants me, so prayers and finances would be great. Love you all!

   

Easterfest!!!

       Our last Australian outreach came in a big hurrah in the form of a Christian music festival.
The whole base except perhaps 5 people all went up to Toowoomba, setting up tents, fences, and the like. You won't believe the amount of time and work that those things take, and I wasn't even there for a lot of it!
I was stationed in the kitchen. Kitchen is the best place to be (sometimes anyways) because we do crazy things like ad lib parodies of worship songs replacing the words with the name of whatever food we are cooking. We had an amazing time singing Disney and chopping\mashing 70 KG of potatoes all at once.
 Unfortunately, the shoes I bought for Japan were ones I thought were good, but were actually horrible, and I developed a really bad limp from an inflamed/stressed tendon. |So my Easter Sunday was spent watching gates for 8 hours. yuck. I did go and get new shoes, and I am soooo thankful for the head cook and his wife, who paid for half, and the insoles. I need to remember that I'm not invincible, and I have amazingly generous people around me. I mean, I don't even know how many people prayed for me that week!
  Easterfest was a lot of hard work, and a bit painful for me, but I still had a lot of fun. I got to go to part of The Almost's mainstage concert, unfortunately my camera strap broke, and I had to go look for it, but a lady brought it to lost and found as I was reporting it. How cool is that! I also went to a Shonlock concert. I liked his music, but I didn't know he was such a good showman! Then later on, as I was heading off to sleep, I bumped into the whole band. I talked to them for a minute, then they all gave me a hug, and told me to rest because my foot wasn't going to get better if I keep walking on it. Good artists, showmen and nice people? Sweet! The paintwall, constant worship and great new friends are probably the highlight of the week.
 God was really working in this weekend, and I think there were a lot of lives changed by conversations at the YWAM Chai tent. I'm going to miss it.
     I wasn't homesick much at all during DTS, but soon I'm going home, and I think I'm ready. I'll miss Australia and everyone, but I need to see my little siblings  before they are all taller than me! Fourteen days until I walk onto that Alberta bound plane, with suitcases full of stuff, and a head full of memories and ideas.

say it, repeat it, then say what you said- a sermon about second chances

 God’s nature is perfection, justice, and love. He wants us to be near to him. Since he is perfect, he hates sin. He gives us the choice to choose to follow what he says or not.  Adam and eve sinned by choosing not to listen to the only rule God gave them. God gave this rule to protect them from pain they were not ready to know.  Genesis 2:16-17 ¹⁶ And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷ but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

    God cared about Adam and Eve and didn’t want them to live forever in their sin. So God took them out of the Garden of Eden, and thorns grew, and they felt pain, because they knew what they did was wrong. Since then every one of us have tried to run away from him. We are the children of Adam and Eve, and so our whole world is affected by sin.  Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

       But God is a God of second chances. He warns us many times to listen to him. He gives us time before he punishes us.

Jeremiah 29 10-16

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

      .    

       In this passage, The Israelites sinned and worshipped other Gods. They refused to acknowledge only The true God alone had the right to be worshiped. God loved them so much that he was sad and angry when they ignored him. He should be respected and loved! So he punished them by giving the people of Israel what they wanted. If they wanted to be like the other countries that were sinning, they were going to be slaves in that country.  If they didn’t want God, he would give them to someone else for a short amount of time.

        People might think of God as mean for sending the Israelites into slavery, but they chose it. He gives opportunity to come back, and you see again and again in the bible that God gives them lots of time to come back but they don’t want him! 

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 The second part is about God’s love and the redemption.

        God will take you back. I’m not saying everything will be easy when you follow Him, far from that! But life is always better (not easy) with God. His idea of what’s best and our idea of what’s best are very different. No matter what you have done, no matter how much you think God should not love you, you can still come back. He has a purpose, and sometimes the bad things in your life shape you to be used by God for something better in the future of his Kingdom.  Look for him, search for him, and you will find him. He makes that a promise.

Luke 15 11-24 11

      Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them. 13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. 21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 for this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.

      In the runaway son story, the son dishonored his father by asking for his inheritance, the money that he should have got when his father died. Yet again God (the father in the story) gives him punishment by giving the son what he wants. For a while the son parties and gets drunk, and soon his money is gone. His friends leave, and he gets the worst job there is.  He was starving, and there was no food, and he was paying for his party life. But when he goes back to the father (God) he is welcomed back!

         These themes are seen again and again in the bible. Man sins and runs away, God lets them run away for a while, and when we turn back to him, he welcomes us. But that doesn’t mean we should treat God badly and ignore him. God is powerful and Mighty. Everything we do has consequences. When a child falls down, he scratches his knees, but his parents are there to help him up. When we run away from God, we get hurt, and we keep him from helping us.   Even when we are trying to do good things for God, we fail. We can never be perfect because of Adam and Eve’s sin. Everything we do cannot even get close to how good God is. That is why he sent Jesus. Jesus is all God, so he had no sin in him. He was all human, so everything we struggle with also tempted him.

Jesus could have sinned if he had wanted to, but he chose not to. Instead, he was laughed at, hurt, and killed. Jesus, the son of God died to make us pure. He did all of this just to make a way for us to come back to God! Can you imagine a God so perfect?  He loves us so much that he lets us learn by our mistakes, he allows us to choose to be with him, and he Dies in order for us to come back to him! He was the last sacrifice we will ever need for our sin.

So what now?

     We WANT to be with God. His plan is always good. There are hard times in our lives, but when we have the Holy Spirit in us, when we believe we have the authority God has given to us, we will always have Him to help us. We will always be ready. God gives us a second chance, he makes us sons and daughters of Himself, the highest King. He makes us warriors with the best armor and weapons.  So that now, we can fight the sin and the enemy that keeps us from God’s love.  We are on the holy God’s side of the war against sin.  So now what do we do?  The first thing we do is pray. Pray for forgiveness, and admit you are a sinner. That is why Jesus died. So that all humans could come back, and be with God instead of the death we deserved. Jesus took our punishment, that’s how much He loves! God is our friend, and he wants to hear from us, even though he knows everything already. He will give us what we ask for, as long as we are obeying him.  Talking to the God who created everything is powerful! Ask what you need to do!

The second thing is to do it! God has given you faith, Authority and everything else you need. The fight belongs to the Lord, and he has already won, you’re just fighting a small battle, but it still makes a difference. You are a son of God now, so you need to fight for your kingdom. You are saved, now it’s time to fight for the right of others who don’t yet know the love of God. That is who you are in the grace of Christ Jesus!  Be careful what you do and think. Would God approve? Is it good? Stay away from things you know are wrong. Go towards a life of being holy and pure. Worship God for how awesome he is. Show love in what you say and how you act.

The last thing is said in this bible verse.

 Philippians 4; 7-8 ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹ 

God is a Good God, and he loves you. He has given you all the things you will need to stay strong in him. Love him, and respect him, and he will bless you. 

the cute little version of part of my testimony

My parents were very loving and taught me about who God is, and I wanted to tell people about him even when I was very little.  I told my mother I was going to be a mssionarry in Japan when I was six!

When I was eight, My mother decided to teach me at home. I thought I had good friends, but when I stopped going to school, they started to make fun of me and be very mean. I felt very alone, and I thought that what they said was true. I didn't think I was beautiful, or worth being loved. At thirteen many things happened all at once to make me very depressed. I would often hide in my room for days, and the only good thing I would do is draw, because it was the only safe way to let my emotions out. I didn't want to feel, because feeling hurt. I wondered why, if God loved me, would things like this happen? Even though I still believed God was real, I didn't care about him, because I couldn't hear him speaking to me. Then someone asked if I wanted to come to a christian concert. There were many people speaking, And one of them had no arms and no legs. I don't remember all of what he said, but I thought, “If God can love that man, with no arms or legs, and if He can do good things for God, So can I. I remembered the bible verse Jeremiah 29:11-12.(read out the verse?) God had plans for me! I was worth something! I held on to that bible verse. It said that even though God's chosen people were having a very hard time, and they were hurting, One day God would heal them and bring them back home.

I was still  depressed, but now I had hope, and I knew there was a reason I was alive. When I was 15 I went to work with children that had no home or sometimes no parents. I felt that God was calling me to help people like those ones again, Just like I wanted to when I was little. I worked with those kids for four years, and then felt like God was calling me to go to Australia to study the bible, and how to use art to reach people. I didn't want to, because my art was very close to me, and I didn't show anyone, because I thought it wasn't a worthy way to spend my time. But God kept telling me to go, and so I did. In Australia, I learned so much about God's love, and plan for me. I healed a lot, and learned I could trust God, and I could trust people. I met genuine Christians, who were willing to love God no matter what. They wanted to share God's love in everything they did! I started showing people my art, And I prayed for God to be able to use it to bring the world hope. I didn't really see the worth in my art yet.  My art teacher encouraged me to do big things with my art. I was so afraid! But as I let God use my art, I began to see how it shows God. God can use any skill, if you let him! The hardest thing was to draw myself. The first time, I drew a very ugly person. The second time, I drew a person who was searching for something. The third time, I drew a person who was beautiful. She looked like she knew God loved her!

When my Australia team found out we were going to Japan, I was so excited! We prayed, and God gave us a picture of a red balloon.  To me, the red balloon means being filled with Hope. Not from what you can see, but from Jesus Christ. That, with God, we can rise higher than the things that hold us down. And that God gives us the ability to have joy even when the world seems dark. The red balloon is a reminder of who God is, and how much he loves us. It may take time, but prayers really do get answered.

   Having God means that I have hope, and that I always have him with me. . I’m not saying everything will be easy when you follow Him, far from that! But life is always better  with God. His idea of what’s best and our idea of what’s best are very different. No matter what you have done, no matter how much you think God should not love you, you can still come back. He has a purpose, and sometimes the bad things in your life shape you to be used by God for something better in the future of his Kingdom.  Look for him, search for him, and you will find him. He makes that a promise. Galatian 6:9 tells us that when things are hard, when Jobs are stressful, when friends and family leave, don't give up God's work. He loves you, and your life has a great plan to build the kingdom of heaven. God can use anything you can do, and even if you don't thing you can do anything, He knows what you can do. He loves you anyways!  

reminiscence and profundity part 2

 When I thought of the Joshua verses 'Be strong and courageous, I always took that as a 'Don't fall apart', push through and don't let people see you struggle. But I never thought about the second part. "For I, The Lord your God is with you. " He isn't saying hold yourself together, he's saying we have the God of the universe on our side to rely on. Sometimes, being strong could mean doing the hard thing and being vulnerable, and trusting God with what giant walls you face.  -Joshua 1:9

   (I was going to add a story about how the world without creativity and colour would be, but it's too long.)

      Japan has stolen part of my heart in these six weeks. I will miss the softness of the trees, politeness, the Sakura celebration, the brightness of the pinks and blues. I think of the kids I worked with, The dancers by the city hall, the toddlers building blocks and painting. I remember octopus balls, Bento boxes, trains as packed as sardines, and too many pigeons. The Hollands, who blessed us so much during our stay, and the reason why the song Total Eclipse of the Heart will never be the same! Constant selfies documenting our travels, umbrellas, bikes and rain. Masks and walking EVERYWHERE, and general confusion of the language.
    God has taught me that I am capable of much more than I thought, less capable than I could be, that I need to rely on him, and the biggest thing, Missions is all about relationship. work to the exclusion of people is wrong, and God needs to be the forefront.
Art, however self conscious I may be about it, is a powerful tool. One that speaks without words.
     Also, leaving. yeah, leaving is hard, and being left hurts,  but it's a blessing to know the people and places, and hold God's creation close to your heart. Our capability to love grows with our efforts to use it. Dream big, its ok to expect a lot when God partners with you. Stare at the clouds! why keep your feet on solid ground when you can soar around the world and make memories and change lives in entirely new cultures?
ah, the melancholy feelings of leaving one place, and heading to another! Watching a plane take off, a train depart, packing that last thing in a suitcase bound for who knows where! Kimonos? A stop in Korea, a dip in the sunshine coast... what else does God have planned? I am truly blessed to be in the service of this great God who created this! there are cons though. confusion, not fitting in, constantly leaving, not being understood, being broke or exhausted.But my strength comes from the Lord, I am destined for something better than this world, I am always making new friends and stories. I can always trust God's provision.
I feel like I am becoming more of who I am meant to be. I'm not who I was a year ago, or even a week ago. every minute past presents a new challenge I am to conquer.