climbing mountains

The last month and a half have been crazy when it comes to change. I moved to Calgary late November, turned 20 on December first, and started a job the very next day. Within three weeks I had been transferred, worked boxing day and Christmas eve, moved again, and hosted my family at my new place.
     As amazing as it has been, moving on and being a so called "contributing adult," It's a challenge. A brand new town, new job, new roommates, and a world full of strangers just going along in life has thrown me into a bit of confusion and disconnect. I'm really enjoying Urban Barn, (the job) and I've been making decent sales, but what I truly want to make is friends.
    God is truly showing me how his planning goes, and I trust that even in the transition stage of life, with the budgeting issues and transit and loneliness, He's got something big and amazing coming this year. For now, I'll push myself to excel and connect. I've made myself some goals this year to help me deal with the changes, so my depression doesn't go haywire :P   I feel as if everyone should take a bit of it home, it really helps me with anxiety and productivity.

- Read a chapter every day. (I do bible, you can do self help, fantasy, whatever. It helps to calm you down and focus)
- Save a small percentage (I have a fairly tight budget, but ice cream and emergency funds are a must)
-Invest a small percentage in the future. (wedding plans, travel, school, all included in this)
-Choose one thing to excel at this week (it could seriously just be cleaning the toilet)
-Do one art piece a week (I love art. It channels my emotions in a positive way, and helps me relax and function. You could choose anything that makes you happy. go jogging, bake a cake, take some selfies.)
-Learn something every week ( I do Khan academy finance courses. they've really helped me out in the renting/budgeting thing.)
-When youre stressed, fearful, frazzled, or inexplicably sad, do these things-
- list good things in life (fluffy puppies, hot sauce, blankets)
-list your virtues (diligent, helpful, can stick my tongue out and touch my nose)
-three good things that happened today
-list what may have triggered the negative emotion, then attempt to fix it. you'll feel better even if all you do is understand why you feel this way.
-eat, shower or nap. even these little things help you feel like a human instead of a blob of despair.
- talk to someone you love. (call your mom!)
Yeah, maybe it seems over the top, but it helps my brain when I feel like an overloaded circuit. It may not help everyone, but it might be a step towards it. If this is what I need to do to not shut down, its a good thing to do. Everyone has coping mechanisms. My sister's is reading, my moms is rearranging furniture, my best friends is fudge brownies. Its not bad to have them, just remember that they are not everything. don't hide in them, because it does consume you if you do. And yes, this is also a letter to myself.

Journey for a crown

This is a short story I wrote a couple years ago on DTS. I was thinking of a friend who went through a traumatizing experience, and hoped to encourage people by it. I meant to illustrate it, but i kept getting frustrated about my ever changing style. so here it is for your viewing pleasure. maybe one day i'll publish it for real! it's geared to children, but anyone who has gone through feelings of worthlessness should hear it. God truly cares for you, it doesn't matter what it gains or costs him.

   Once apon a time there was a beautiful princess.

This princess had a beautiful crown,

Until a big scary dragon stole it from her.

Since she didn’t have her crown anymore, the princess didn’t feel worthy to be a princess anymore.

So she set out on a quest to find her crown.

She went to the hall where the knights eat and drink. “is my crown here?”

“no, but there are fizzy drinks that make you feel happy. There’s plenty for you!”

The princess curtsied and left to keep searching.

She came to the scholars library. “is my crown here? “

“no, but there are books that fill your head instead”

She walked for a very long time and found a lion’s den.

 “is my crown in here?” she asked.

“no, but there are some mean lions that like to eat princesses”

The princess did not like that idea, and left the den quickly.

She went to the dark forest. “is my crown in here?”

“no, but there are some sleepy bats. You could stay here if you like”

“no thank you.”

The princess continued through the forest to a town with a very busy market place.

“is my crown here?’’ she asked a stall owner.

“No, but I can sell you things that will make that crown seem useless!”

The princess shook her head and continued on, but it was getting dark and she had lost her way.

When she found the gate she stopped to talk to the singer at the wall.

“have you seen my crown?”

“no, but I can make you laugh, and forget about the crown for a while”

“no thank you. Do you know where the castle is?”

The singer pointed the way, and the princess set off for home.

She walked for a very long time.

When she got near enough she could see the castle, Her father came out of the gate running towards her! When the king reached her, he gave her a big hug and said…

“my daughter, I know the awful dragon stole your crown. When you left, I still loved you.

So I went and found the dragon. I killed it, and brought you back the crown. “

The king placed the crown back on the princesses head.

“you are a princess not because you have a crown, but because you are my daughter. You will always be worthy.”

Hunting

Once again, I'm sorry for the blog staying updateless. My fault, no valid reason, only lame excuses. 

The last few weeks I've been feeling much better. The stones are gone and it seems like the infection and exhaustion are headed out too. Praise the lord! 

The good thing about being um... Indisposed this summer is I had a lot of time to do things like art and Internet courses. I'm really praying and looking hard for a job, and weighing my options of moving, but it's been a slow and frustrating go. If you'd like to pray for that I would be eternally thankful! 

The downside of this downtime is I'm getting restless. Now that I'm getting much better I feel restless. Is much rather do something. Travel, work, crossfit (lol no.) unfortunately, I realize that restlessness takes its toll on my spirit. I have time to read and pray and really wait on God, but the humanity in me wants to game or take a walk or anything other than that. I want to be near to God , but I don't want to seek him out. Lots of people do that in relationships everywhere, but it isn't healthy for any relationship. Especially when that relationship is as important as your God, or your best friend, or your wife. I suppose I best sit down and do a heart checkup instead of looking online for more and more jobs. I need to move forward, yes. And handing out resumes to 20 plus places and phone calls, and book publishers, and school upgrades are all very good, but I also need to be ok where I'm at. I've always wanted to do more than I alone am capable of. So my prayer is this. God, you know my path. Show me the map please, I've had a long enough pit stop. Whenever you're ready I guess :)

Healthy as a... Sad little sloth.

I've been home since June. So far I've passed kidney stones three times since April, and had at least 5 infections. I have also learned I have a low risk heart issue, and still have no energy. And now I also have a cold. 

Those are all the fun things that people should know, but I really don't like repeating it, because to me, I sound like I'm complaining. In truth, I also work too hard instead of rest and I just want to get better. Prayer for health would be great :)

Despite me being a sickie, life goes on

and lots has happened. Benji came to visit, so we went to jasper, wowed him with eternal ice glaciers, the west Edmonton mall, and had fun in general. I frequented in napping.

Our uncle also came out and we did some house fixes that were desparately needed. 

Life has not been bad, but I'm really praying for a job, and health. I would very much like to move out soon. 

Even though I'm not liking this forced rest, God always knows what he's doing.

 

lackluster clockwork

My blog is late, and as always, my excuse is lackluster. I am human and i get sick every summer like clockwork apparently.
July and June have been very busy, with me getting over jet lag, sleeping off kidney stones, allergy reactions and plain old exhaustion, but I'm getting better. I have a bit more energy (if I am careful) and every weekend has something amazing in store.
A few weeks ago I caught up with my childhood best friend, going to the river in  the freezing wind (Canada, I'm not used to this anymore! be nice!) and scoring a call-in job at a coffee shop that makes great Italian cream sodas.
 The next week was a Smith family reunion. Relatives, baked beans, stories of my embarrassing antics as a kid, and missionary stories from a cousin that went to the same YWAM base as me 13 years ago were the staples. its amazing to see what God can do in a family as big as ours, and I pray every day He keeps doing more.
This coming week Shyrrelle graduates, next week I'm spending time in the city with my Aunt, the week after that is a Lee family reunion, and after that Benji is coming out from Norway! So tell me
How is that rest the doctor and the bible talk about even a thing? Oh well. The Lord sustains me, and my mom kicks me back to bed if I need it.
I've been using as much spare time as i can to work on my painting. I love it and always have, but the last couple years ive been so busy, it gets neglected. I thrive off intelligence and creativity, so painting and music and reading have been a wonderful healing tool. if God speaks so much out of the Arts, I am constantly covered with His voice.

welcome wherever

I am now back, safe at my parents house after an uneventful trip.  I miss the base and my friends already, writing sad leaving songs on post it notes and quests to find the best chips (fries) and hanging out in the cafe. YWAM was an amazing time in my life, and I'm sure i'll see a few of them again, but not soon enough. My health  is a bit better, the kidney stones seem to have passed into the bladder, so they ll be gone soon i hope.

I've realized i have become acultural, meaning i don't really have a culture. I take slang from Australia, pair it with some japanese greetings and norwegian insults, and finish up with some canadian accent. I have to get used to this house again, my families weird schedule, trying to keep myself busy and rest, and get over jet lag. as much as i love my family, it doesnt feel like home here anymore. I'm not sure where that is though. what is home? if it's where my heart is can it be somewhere i have never been? I would love to keep in contact with all you in AU or elsewhere, so skype, facebook, and email are great. kynyalee@gmail.com for anyone that wants it :) 

As for finances, I'm in a bit of debt for doctors and things, but I'm sure ill be ok. Your prayers are much appreciated. 

This month I'll be resting, July ill be connecting with my family and friends here, and august hopefully Benji will visit, but I'm keeping an eye out for jobs in the film or coffee industry, and I'm still planning to move to Vancouver in a couple months/years but for now, rest. 

this video is one i made, hopefully it works for you guys. 

A final farewell to my home of many moons

I'm leaving on monday. It's a lot to think about, especially because its a month early. After two months of fighting illness and fatigue, i finally decided it is time to come back and rest. But even though i'm excited to see my family and my country again, i have a lot of memories from nearly two years here. Those crazy DTS dance parties, the street evangelism confusion, the nights i spent staring at the stars instead of homework, the insanity of SDF and all the passion and knowledge that came with it. and all the memories and joy that resulted from the Barista interns. I'm going to miss coming in late from deep conversations, or seeing miracles of provision for those ive come to love. I might even miss the roomies, however not the lack of sleep they cause ;P 
A lot of people have been passing on messages asking what my plans are, and i have a rough idea, but i prefer to keep it to myself. however, this summer is one of rest. rest in its many forms. possibly in the form of sunbathing and netflix. the last time i had this much time to reflect i think i was 13, and i've changed a lot since then, and i need a refresher with God. 
I'm also hoping to make contact with my church again, because even though i do update (admittedly less than i did a year ago) unless you talk face to face, we forget whats going on in peoples lives. 
Saying goodbye is hard. im still not feeling well, but now that im leaving everyone wants to hang out, and so do i but its tiring! its just a reminder. if you love someone, dont forget to say it to thier face as often as you can, because one day you might realise you dont have much time left. but there's always skype, email, facebook, snapchat and a ton of other ways. 
thinking of that, if you want to talk to me then Kynyalee@gmail.com is a great place to start ;) i do love you all. goodbye for now, and goodbye YWAM.