a sour patch in candyland

     The first week of camp is regularly trial and error, but I'm not sure if I have ever seen such a bad first week. Some... interpersonal relationships on staff have been challenging, we have a very sick horse, and we had two kids and two counselors all go to the hospital. they're all fine, but prayer for health... do that. I haven't really had time to think about things since Grandma died last may, and mom is still taking care of four extras so everything is hitting me now. One day I was such an emotional zombie dinosaur I locked myself in the bathroom and played candy crush. My beautiful friends, instead of telling me to suck it up because that's life like most people have, sat outside the door and coaxed me out, then gave me their hints for the game. that's the friends i really needed right then.
   Before that I sobbed on another friend, and it started pouring rain, so I did what i love- ran in the rain and laid in the grass watching the deep purple grey clouds swirl with life and sorrow.

So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said 
I know the sun must set to rise.
   
Coldplay lyrics really fit in this! We had crazy things like brawls, manipulative kids, and having to file abuse charges against these kids parents, and yet there are always a few rainbows in the storm. 
 (then laptop dies, I realize I don't have my chord, and pray for autosave) 

     Back to the blog!
 some of the things that brighten my day were just little things kids say like:
"this (classical) music sounds like minecraft!"
"Wow! Can I do dishes again?"
"sometimes she forgets how awesome she is." 
"i love you Painty!" 

      I foolishly asked God for a glimpse of what he has for me if I go into full term missions, and he has shown me a lot of hurting kids, suicidal teens, abuse and worldly pain. But he has also shown me rainbows and provision. I am in for so much heartache if I follow God, but I'm all in. no turning back. I must be insane.
      "Do you think I've gone 'round the bend?"
:" I'm afraid so... you're mad. Bonkers. Off your head... but I'll tell you a secret... all of the best people are."
-Alice in wonderland
     All the maddest people are all in for everything. Paul, Heidi Baker, Irena Sendler, and most martyrs were all in, and crazy for God.  And it reminds me to spend time in the bible and time with God, because "any man who goes into battle without his sword is improperly dressed." ~Jack Churchhill
       I have really been encouraged by the phonecalls and skype dates from my friends around the world, and my goal this year is to try to encourage people as much as possible this summer. Because I need it. and because making your own "plans for a future and a hope" without God doesn't work.  So whatever I'm going to do in the future, It's going to be good.