take care of yourself

Ok,  so I guess it's time I tell you all what I have (or have not) been doing.
First, I am currently working at Brightwood again. There have been challenges, not all of them will be posted here, but there have also been miracles. Let's start with those shall we?
     Last year there was a little girl who came to camp. A beautiful young black girl with a horrible home life. I don't know much about it except she refused to have anything to do with God including chapels, refused to participate in anything, and every night she would go to bed screaming about how much she hates herself and her life. So I prayed.  This year she's back. She is excited about chapel, asks questions about God, smiles, and has even made friends! this is the type of miracle I work for. I love to see kids come back every year.

  Unfortunately, last week I had to take time off for severe pain (possibly cysts). I recovered, went back to work, and... disaster struck again. I hadn't been feeling well for a little while, and since I spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen, I stayed in bed bast breakfast. As I got up to talk to the head cook, I felt more lightheaded than normal, but decided to ignore it. Sidetracked by a counsellor needing help, I took a little girl to the nurse office, and on my way to bring her back to the counsellor, I got confused. The little girl took me by the hand and tried to guide me to a bench. next thing I remember is I was lying on the ground in front of the doors with people staring at me and others trying to round up the kids out of the way! Which began a series of doctors tests. I do not have Mono, I am not pregnant, anaemic, diabetic and many other things I am happy to know.  Turns out I had a bit of the flu, paired with a cold, dehydration, too much heat, low blood pressure, high stress and lack of sleep, and those many little things were enough to make me black out!
So I'm back in bed. I have not been taking care of myself, and that's something I should remember. I am just as important as the people around me, and I am no use when I am unhealthy. I help others and make them rest, yet I was told that I kept apologising to the nurse helping me, and I don't even remember!  yes, I care for others. but, remind me I'm worth being cared for too, because I forget.

But there are always more good things than bad, if you look hard enough! I went to the Edmonton art walk and got inspired, (so go buy some of my art on FB!) I Skyped many of my awesome international friends, I applied to SDF (still don't have the finances, but God will provide.) and I slept for more than eight hours. Thank you God for the verse "Be still, and know that I am God."

plans

Hello to my wonderful friends, YWAMmers, supporters, church family, relatives and so on. This little notice is just to inform you of what I am planning to do in my near future.

The first is I am planning to do the YWAM Brisbane school of digital filmmaking. It starts August 20, and is a three month course focused on all the aspects of movie making. I would primarily focus on set design, but would also learn script writing, directing, people skills, sound design, supervisory positions and the like, finished off with creating my own short movies. 

   In life application I could use this in any public relations job, theatre, charity promo, updates etc. I really feel this is where God is leading me, and with him I can do it. The only problem is finances. The school itself costs a bit over 6000 AUD, not including airfare or visas. I am not even halfway to that mark, so I need your help.  

      The next course is a Barista school, in which I would learn business management, a bit about running a non-profit organisation, proper coffee making and etiquette and finish off with some short field work in Peru.  I would use this one in the future to possibly open my own café or youth outreach center, or work at the Meeting place café, possibly furthering its reach globally. Or at least that’s what I want.

       But yet again, I would need your help. I’m a very independent person, so asking this is hard for me. Right now to raise money, I am writing a book, as well as working at Brightwood ranch. The reason I would need help is because all of this is geared towards my goal of going into and being efficient in full term missions. The sad thing is missionaries work super hard, but don’t get paid. That’s me. All of the crazy awesome things I would be helping with are volunteer, and I would actually be paying to help people!   I would love for you all to be involved with my future, and this is a great start!  If you want to donate, you can send me a check to PO box 151, Entwistle AB, T0E 0S0.

Thank you all for your prayers and support, and I’ll keep you updated on my blog at kynyapaint.blogspot.com . 

Post scriptum~ I am writing this now in bed, because unfortunately, a huge migrane has kept me from work. hopefully it can leave soon!

Post post scriptum~ if you want to help others out check out YWAM osaka or The Umbrella movie!

a sour patch in candyland

     The first week of camp is regularly trial and error, but I'm not sure if I have ever seen such a bad first week. Some... interpersonal relationships on staff have been challenging, we have a very sick horse, and we had two kids and two counselors all go to the hospital. they're all fine, but prayer for health... do that. I haven't really had time to think about things since Grandma died last may, and mom is still taking care of four extras so everything is hitting me now. One day I was such an emotional zombie dinosaur I locked myself in the bathroom and played candy crush. My beautiful friends, instead of telling me to suck it up because that's life like most people have, sat outside the door and coaxed me out, then gave me their hints for the game. that's the friends i really needed right then.
   Before that I sobbed on another friend, and it started pouring rain, so I did what i love- ran in the rain and laid in the grass watching the deep purple grey clouds swirl with life and sorrow.

So lying underneath those stormy skies.
She said 
I know the sun must set to rise.
   
Coldplay lyrics really fit in this! We had crazy things like brawls, manipulative kids, and having to file abuse charges against these kids parents, and yet there are always a few rainbows in the storm. 
 (then laptop dies, I realize I don't have my chord, and pray for autosave) 

     Back to the blog!
 some of the things that brighten my day were just little things kids say like:
"this (classical) music sounds like minecraft!"
"Wow! Can I do dishes again?"
"sometimes she forgets how awesome she is." 
"i love you Painty!" 

      I foolishly asked God for a glimpse of what he has for me if I go into full term missions, and he has shown me a lot of hurting kids, suicidal teens, abuse and worldly pain. But he has also shown me rainbows and provision. I am in for so much heartache if I follow God, but I'm all in. no turning back. I must be insane.
      "Do you think I've gone 'round the bend?"
:" I'm afraid so... you're mad. Bonkers. Off your head... but I'll tell you a secret... all of the best people are."
-Alice in wonderland
     All the maddest people are all in for everything. Paul, Heidi Baker, Irena Sendler, and most martyrs were all in, and crazy for God.  And it reminds me to spend time in the bible and time with God, because "any man who goes into battle without his sword is improperly dressed." ~Jack Churchhill
       I have really been encouraged by the phonecalls and skype dates from my friends around the world, and my goal this year is to try to encourage people as much as possible this summer. Because I need it. and because making your own "plans for a future and a hope" without God doesn't work.  So whatever I'm going to do in the future, It's going to be good.

And the saga continues with the next chapter set in Brightwood ranch, where the drama focuses in on strategic naps and strange things worn on heads!

It’s only one week in and people are minorly sleep deprived. I wonder how that’s going to work with future kids! I mean, its only half through staff training!

I’m dining hostess again this year, and depending on the person asking, there’s a different definition. I’m the one who makes sure there are chocolate bars in the staff lounge. I set tables. I wash dishes. I wash dishes. I clean the big camp café. I wash dishes. Oh! Then I wash dishes! (I’m not complaining, I do actually wash dishes in between every other thing on my checklist.) 

I’m really excited about camp, last year I made some great connections with the campers. This year I have already seen God working in prayer and unity. Unfortunately, he did not obliterate all the Mozzies of the world like I asked.  

This week has been a whirlwind, full of new people (I still don’t know everyone’s names!) waterfights, and work.  We also said goodbye to our Pastor, whom I have fond memories of, and who helped me stay excited for missions and kids ministry.  Unfortunately, for all the things that are happening, I  can honestly say I can’t think of a single anecdote for the day. Unless people really want to hear about the amount of icecubes that have recently been dropped down my shirt. It seems like a regular occurrence. Anyways, camp life calls,  and I shall return to campfire stories. 

Finite time and infinite memories ( Journal for the reader)

      God has been healing people through art and music for longer than I have ever thought. It's first recorded in Samuel, where David calms Saul. He speaks through the beauty and precision of the Tabernacle. He speaks by the thoughtful plans of nature. Through his chosen people, The writing on the wall, or the graffiti on the shop you live by. He gives secrets to the ones he loves, and the ones who listen.  Then, after we listen, we speak.
     Yesterday I went on an adventure with some fellow travellers. Our original plan to go kayaking didn't work, but we hiked to this beautiful lookout and told stories if getting sick on missions trips, being home again, and basically reacquainting ourselves with life.
       Hot dog roasts or trail rides or rodeos, they all remind me of what God has done. Who I was, who I am and who I could be. He's going to continue to work in us, and if the first plan doesn't work, there's another crazy adventure that may end up even better. I just need to take a step back and let him lead instead. Maybe our lives were not meant to be planned out to death. We were possibly intended to be free and spontaneous and loving and giving. You can't bring everything you own in a suitcase, so I scaled down and gave things away. I can live off less.  A life has its a summer of infinite possibilities and memories packed into a finite amount of time. we share a small amount of time to create a brilliant life, making us who we are and who we will be, and with those short hours you begin a lifetime, a story, and an an adventure. Go into those old abandoned buildings, float down the river, shoot off fireworks, see from another person's perspective. We only have a minimal time to do them, so cherish your friend's laughs, your family road trips, your bad summer jobs, and the crazy brilliance of this beautiful finite life.
 Maybe I'll go to Rio Muni one day?

subjective normality

My life is beginning to return to normal. Question is, what is normal?

  In this house, normal is half of us waking up to greet the 2 or 13 kids that we will be taking care of that day. After everyone eats the breakfast of their choice and leaves  it on the counter, the boys go outside, the younger girls get out the dolls, and the older ones try to tidy up. I hope to escape and work on my art. Instead, I play Polly pockets and make lunch. My wonderful siblings try to help with the naptimes, the lunch, messes, AND do their school, but it's one or the other. What most people don't know is the sandbox isn't just dirt, it's a volcano in Pompei, a chance for buried treasure or a construction zone depending on the imagination. The toy guns (mostly) are not just toys, they protect the girls in the sandbox, and the mathematics about velocity and pressure are focused on heavily by my 12 year old brother. (I don't understand a bit!)The garden is a miracle where water and dirt make food, and living things thrive. The one horse is a valiant loyal steed. The playhouse is a hideaway. 

   Right now my brothers and their friends are filming their own movie. They wrote the script, take turns acting and filming, and I'll help them cut it and put it together. The girls watch me try to write a story, and I stall to teach a three year old that blue and red make purple, and we draw together as the older one tries to write a poem. The four year old learns to add as we play snakes and ladders. we learn debate class as they bring forth arguments as to why they should watch TV instead of clean. (didn't work.) It's soccer time, and we make individual pizza breads, and they learn to cook. The littlest kids and Mom are out, and that's when we try to tidy up. From all this learning and running around, the Lee kids are tired! We put the extra young ones in either their own Mommy's arms, or in respective sleeping arrangements. Sometimes that means "camping" in the playhouse. I didn't get much done, but I did a lot!

     As this is going on, in my personal time I don't have, I help my little sister with her resume, update my own, look for a job, write a book, Help Grandpa build a countertop, try to stay in contact with the people that are far away, wonder why I need to help with youth group, and why I never have a clean bedroom when I go to bed. 

This is normal for me. many things happen through the rest of it, but these are the main points. I sometimes feel lazy, because this isn't the stuff that goes on resumes or to do lists, but I wouldn't trade a minute of it, even though I will be moving on soon. No one else's home is like my own, and it made me who I am. I just wish I had a naptime, And I'm only the big sister!

God is teaching me through being back home. At times I'm tired, and just want company of people my own age, not Moms, not kids. I love them, don't get me wrong, but it's hard being almost the only one in my town that's neither one!  I have been languid or restless, hoping for something else to do, somewhere else to go, and I've spent most of my life feeling the same. I DO feel called to travel, reach out to kids in the cities far away, learning more of cultures and God, but I am being taught that Home is wherever God has me, and right now it's here. And it's good.

the strangest love, and keeping on.

"Do you want to say hi to Kynya? she just got home!"
"Yeah, but that girl's not Kynya, cuz Kynya has purple hairs and that girl has brown ones."

"Where is that girl that sleeps in my room?"
"It's actually her room, she just got home. Why do you want her?"
"I like her, but why is she here?"

"We bought you your favourite chocolate, but we ate it."

"Did you ride a wallaby on your vacation?"

"How cute is that Aussie boyfriend?"

These are parts of actual conversations this week. The first few days all I did was sleep. Life was kick- started by the hour long presentation I did for the adult class at my church. It went pretty well, but we are kinda quiet, so the question time was partly filled with youtube videos of the base.  It's good to be home, but it's honestly been a bit hard to adjust to being a child again, as in, asking if I can do something, go somewhere etc. My family has been really nice, letting me sleep and not pulling evil pranks on me.

My mom has agreed to take four young kids in for the next couple months and homeschool them while their mom gets medical care. I had not met them until today. They are really sweet, and the youngest thinks I'm "cool" (a four year old's compliment is the best) but that means she follows me everywhere, including the bathroom... I love them, but I'm still pretty tired, so I don't understand how much she loves me when the most I'm doing is barely being nice!

I don't have much to do, but cooking and writing/illustrating has kept me fairly busy. That is, when I'm not playing barbies. I'm missing my DTS friends and the city and warmth! I'm starting to get my bearings and where I fit in the family, home, and community. My room was the room of requirement, so I have to find where everything is, and reclaim it instead of the four year old who doesn't realize it's not hers anymore. Oops. She's a cutie though.
 There was a lot of deaths in my church while I was gone, and realizing a lot of the strong men and women I looked up to are gone has been pretty hard too. I didn't have time to grieve while I was in YWAM, so now I have time to thank God for the time I did have to learn from them, but I wish I had cared more! I miss them, but it makes me determined to become more strong in my faith, and live it out no matter what. I didn't really care about God before DTS, now I am probably the crazy christian chick who does everything because of Him. and that's ok, because it sure isn't fake. God has been so good with encouraging me through Colossions and even just the impending coffee and Skype dates. He has given me so many good people to talk to!

  This summer I'll be getting a job, hopefully making enough to pay for most of BLS. Its hard not to stress out about finances and transportation right now, and there's  a lot of pressure for me to "get a real job, or go to a real school, make something of my life." It may not be said in so many words, but the metron is pretty thick.
To be brutally honest, I need prayer for me to keep fighting for God and my dreams. I don't want to not care.  Thank you all so much for continuing to pray for me.